I want to see...

There's a cd I play constantly in my van. It is Ray Boltz's Unchanging Story album. I have always enjoyed his music. For some reason, he is probably the only Christian singer I can clearly understand. Maybe his voice is clear, or his words? Whatever it is, I know God wanted me to be able to hear/understand the songs presented.

There is a very touching song, I Want to See... and you all are familiar with the bible story of the blind man going to Jesus. And how Jesus healed him, right? And what did he have to do? Go and tell people that Jesus healed him.

Well, when I heard the chorus, I just suddenly thought of my mother. She passed away a few years ago...after fighting brain tumor. The tumor had made her blind. She could only see shapes, but colors are very vague, and can tell the difference between night and day.

One special day, she called me at work, asking me to leave work and come visit with her. She wanted to talk with me.

I'm glad she did. This was probably the most spiritual mother/daughter moment we ever had together. After talking about few general things, she got serious and being blind she said, "Kirstan...I have been thinking a lot about this. I wanted to let you know, I'm looking forward to meeting 2 people in Heaven."

I tried not to cry but since she couldn't see me, I let my tears flow. She continued, "I'm looking forward to number 1, Jesus. That's what I'm glad about. Knowing I'll get to see Him. Number 2, to see Rachel (my daughter who passed away in 1995)."

I was just speechless but very thrilled. I knew she had a very close relationship with Jesus. I was just so happy for her, but sad at the same time. She'll never see any of my sisters or myself get married. She'll never see our children grow up.

Well, I finally told her, "Tell Rachel hello, that mom loves her, and give her a big hug. I'll see her when it's my time..."

We hugged.

That was the last serious conversation we had, before the tumors aggressively ravaged the rest of her brain, and having to induce her into coma. The tumors had made her very moody and very aggressive. So I knew my mother already made peace with her dying, and so did I.

I hear the song...I think of her. When the blind man was healed, I think of my mother in heaven, her blindness gone, no cancer, no health problem...and being able to SEE Jesus when she arrived in Heaven. That must've been so wonderful. I wish I could have seen her face when she finally met Jesus.

I want to see by Ray Boltz

He sat in the darkness
At the edge of the road
He heard the crowd passing by
But he couldn't go
So he started crying
Like a child at the door
When they tried to quiet him
He shouted it more

CHORUS:
I want to see
Free me from this darkness
Sweeping over me
I want to see
Son of David, have mercy on me

Now his heart was trembling
Could this really be true?
A voice in the darkness said,
What do you want Me to do?

CHORUS

Eyes opened in a moment of grace
Light filled the skies
One touch
And he sees the face of life

Now I'm like that blind man
Who lived long ago
I want to see Jesus
And I just don't care who knows

CHORUS