Lifestyles...

Let me back up just a smidge. Or further back. I should perhaps begin with what I was like growing up.

Growing up as the only "deaf" kid with 2 sisters, and parents that divorced when I was about 8-9 years old. Because my dad was caught with my mom's best friend who lived across the street. Also my dad was an alcoholic. And a gambler. And of course, I have one of his weakness: Coca-Cola pop. I am a Coca-Cola gal.

My mom re-married and we gained 2 stepsisters, who I thought were the snootiest girls on earth. I never got along with them at all. We did have our differences. Finally they stayed with their mother while I had to live with my mom and stepdad, and my 2 sisters.

Growing up was very hard on us. We pretty much lived on potatoes that was made into many types of dishes, along with pea soup (bleah) and whatever. And we lived off on cheap food and did everything to save money---even drinking powdered milk. It was a very hard life for us.

Moving from Tucson, AZ to Michigan, then out to Portland, Oregon for 3 years, then came back to Michigan. I had some rough times in Oregon as a teenager. Being bullied, getting drunk for the first time at 14 years old, and trying out cigerattes. I was also falling into a deep pit of depression. I was not a happy girl. One day, my house was on fire. That's when my parents became concerned and put me in for counseling. I chewed out the counselor because he had NO clue what I was going through.

When we moved back to Michigan...things got little better. My parents were able to buy a house for the first time, and I wasn't going to be moving around like I was some "army brat". I had my moments in high school, and not very proud of it. I've done everything against what my mother had taught me...the rights from the wrongs. I drank, I smoked, and snuck out for parties and other things that would turn your hair grey. I was two different people---being a good girl, going to youth group meetings and to church with my family. Tsk.

Straightened up in my senior year, and made the honor roll. Then off to a local college but that was hard for me as I was not doing so well. Then I was sent off to Galluadet College.

Gally... oh, that for me was a total different world. I didn't have my parents watching me. I did whatever I wanted to do. I drank, I smoked some, I partied away, and was hardly in my own bed on the weekends. Then one night, this guy I dated put some drugs in my drink. And raped me. Now, looking back, I didn't realize that was called date rape. What did I know about things like that? I was "getting around" and I was a big flirt and well, I let myself get drunk. So at that time, it was my fault it happened, so I thought. When I woke up the next day, I did not feel like I belonged in this body. My mind, my heart, my SOUL was so detached from my body. My body was bruised and sore. I had the worse sickly feeling in my head and my soul. I at that time decided, no more. I am going to be in control of all of my dates from now on. And I was going to be cold-hearted. Since then, I'd just date whoever but never get attached to them. I've been labeled the Ice-"Queen" (there was really another name, but I don't swear anymore, sorry). Finally my grades were not up to my stepdad's expectations so I left Gally and never looked back since.

After getting back to Michigan, I've gone on to work and training to become a manager for McDonalds when the local university hired me as a temp, which promised to become a full-time position. And it paid more than what I made at McD's.

Then I met my kids' father. Dated a few months, moved in together. My lifestyle at that time was back to worldly ways...but still went to church. I was struggling to find my place in this world. My soul was really starving but I didn't know what I was doing at that time. I would soon find out I'm pregnant with my first child. I didn't care what the world thought, or what my family thought. I was in love, and I thought, okay, we can do this. I have a good job. He had a good job at that time.

When our first daughter was born, we had no idea what we were getting into. I was too young. So was he. We fought. We made up. We fought. We made up. For the next 12 years, it would be like that.

In my next blog I will share a special story about our first daughter, Rachel. The next blog will be Rachel's story.

It's gotten late, and I'm hitting the sack. I feel since I'm almost 40 (yea, yea, one more year to go), I've joined the elderly who goes to bed early and have weird sleeping habits and getting up too early.

Wanted to close with one thought: there was an old song I used to listen to (Kids of the Kingdom, with the Gaithers in the 70's), and the line says: "Be still and know that I am God". I know it's a verse from the Bible. That has always helped me through my most difficult times of my life.